Portland Parents

The Seattle library seems to think that boys fall behind girls in reading comprehension and reading for enjoyment; that boys tend to read more magazines and how-to manuals. So here’s five books that they suggest for young men.

1. The Absolutely True Diary of a Part-Time Indian

   Arnold Spirit, a goofy-looking dork with a decent jumpshot, spends his time lamenting life on the “poor-ass” Spokane Indian reservation, drawing cartoons (which accompany, and often provide more insight than, the narrative), and, along with his aptly named pal Rowdy, laughing those laughs over anything and nothing that affix best friends so intricately together. When a teacher pleads with Arnold to want more, to escape the hopelessness of the rez, Arnold switches to a rich white school and immediately becomes as much an outcast in his own community as he is a curiosity in his new one. He weathers the typical teenage indignations and triumphs like a champ but soon faces far more trying ordeals as his home life begins to crumble and decay amidst the suffocating mire of alcoholism on the reservation. Alexie’s humor and prose are easygoing and well suited to his young audience, and he doesn’t pull many punches as he levels his eye at stereotypes both warranted and inapt. A few of the plotlines fade to gray by the end, but this ultimately affirms the incredible power of best friends to hurt and heal in equal measure. Younger teens looking for the strength to lift themselves out of rough situations would do well to start here.

2. Grooves: A Kind of Mystery
   

   Gr. 4-7. Brockmeier constructs a frothy, fanciful, and entertaining blend of science fiction and mystery, in which nerdy seventh-grader Dwayne Ruggles discovers that the ridges in his blue jeans (and in a certain brand of potato chips), if scratched with a needle, emit a message: a voice pleading for help. It turns out that wealthy entrepreneur Howard Thigpen, who pretty much owns the town and all its businesses, is torturing factory workers, who have embedded these messages in the products in hopes that, like a message in a bottle, someone will find them, decode them and help. Sure it’s a silly premise, but it also makes for a compulsively readable story with charmingly eccentric characters. Brockmeier delights in wordplay, and clever names abound (the Chinese restaurant is called Dim Sum and Then Some). Dwayne and his friends Kevin and Emily form an unlikely but effective crime-fighting trio, who may bring to mind Ron, Hermione, and Harry in the Harry Potter series.

3. Jeremy Fink and the Meaning of Life
   

   The summer he turns 13, Jeremy receives a mysterious box with the engraved words “the meaning of life: for Jeremy Fink on his thirteenth birthday.” The box was left by his father, who has been dead for five years. It has four locks, but Jeremy finds no keys to open them. As Jeremy and his best friend, Lizzy, embark on a quest to find the keys, they travel across Manhattan from flea markets to fancy office buildings and museums, searching, as it turns out, not only for keys but also insights into science, religion, art, friendship, and family. The overlong plot lurches from one contrivance to another, and the end is a total setup, but readers will be hooked by the kids’ fast, funny urban adventure, as well as by the quest and the “existential crisis.” The many open-ended questions make this fun for group discussion: “Why are we here? Is that even the correct question?”

4. Runaways Volume 1: Pride And Joy Digest
   

   All young people believe their parents are evil … but what if they really are? Meet Alex, Karolina, Gert, Chase, Molly and Nico - whose lives are about to take an unexpected turn. When these six young friends discover their parents are all secretly super-powered villains, the shocked teens find strength in one another. Together, they run away from home and straight into the adventure of their lives - vowing to turn the tables on their evil legacy.

5. The Action Hero’s Handbook: How to Catch a Great White Shark, Perform the Vulcan Nerve Pinch, Track a Fugitive, and Dozens of Other TV and Movie Skills
   

   Everyone wants to be an action hero–as smooth as James Bond, as clever as Captain Kirk, as tough as Charlie’s Angels. And now you can: The Action Hero’s Handbook is the ultimate guide to an action-packed lifestyle, with genuine step-by-step instructions on interrogating a suspect, catching a great white shark, performing the Vulcan Nerve Pinch, stopping a wedding, navigating a ventilation shaft, and much more. All information is reality-based and comes from a host of experts (including FBI agents, marine biologists, karate champions, wedding planners, and air duct cleaners). With more than 35 illustrations throughout, this dynamic little handbook will teach us all how to keep up with the Indiana Joneses.

It’s a far cry from the Hardy Boys, but as far as I’m concerned, anything that gets kids reading is good. What do you or your kids like?

Huffing.

Huffing is inhaling inhalents because of the dizzy high you get when you breath them in. Sniffing glue? Huffing. Sniffing paint? Huffing. Liquid paper, permanent markers, nail polish removers. Huffers.

It’s seductive because it’s “not drugs,” but it’s just as dangerous. Here’s a story about one way it was dangerous for one thirteen year old young woman.

From all reports, I have concluded that - long story short - dd huffed and passed out. Unfortunately, she smashed her face into a brick wall on the way down. She continued to try to get up and fall down several times, smashing various body parts on the pavement. She is really banged up. HUGE goose egg on her forehead, broken nose, braces went through upper lip, lots of scrapes…most of the boys she was with took off. One boy that she has been friends with since 3rd grade, who did not partake in the stupidness, screamed for help and stayed with her until ems took her away.

From this scrapbooking board

This is only one way kids can get hurt while huffing. Kids ( or you ) can also suffer from pneumonia, lack of oxygen, cardiac failure, hearing loss, damage to the central nervous system and possibly death. And as a side affect, some kids will use a paper or plastic bag to concentrate the fumes.

Talk to your kids about drugs and also talk to them about the dangers of huffing.

What is Flu

Influenza (or flu) is a highly contagious viral respiratory tract infection. An estimated 10 to 20 percent of the population in the US contract influenza each year. Influenza is characterized by the abrupt onset of fever, muscle aches, sore throat, and a nonproductive cough.

Influenza can make people of any age ill. Although most people are ill with influenza for only a few days, some have a much more serious illness and may need to be hospitalized. Influenza can also lead to pneumonia and death.

Sounds pretty gross, huh?

Evergreen Pediatrics in Vancouver will innoculate your child as young as 6 months against the flu. They get their vaccine from the health department, and are currently waiting on a delivery. Your usual doctor should have some for you.

I recommend you get your kids innoculated; getting the flu sounds like a drag.

Talk to your kids about sex. It’s important; both to support their holdout against peer pressure and to keep them “on track.” This style of teacher is a dying breed- now teachers are too afraid for their jobs (and in some cases for their liberty; frank talk about sex can lead to prison). And in any case, it is the parents’ responsibility to make this clear for their kids.

If you’re as busy as we are this summer, you might welcome a chance to push a button and order your school supplies for your kid — and have them delivered “automagically” to their classroom. If your kid is in one of these elementary schools: Ainsworth, Alameda, Bridlemile, Laurelhurst, Rieke and Stephenson, they’re eligible for a pilot program at “Schoolhouse Supplies Online.” For a first grader at Alameda, this includes :

1. 2 boxes 24 count crayons Crayola
2. 1 pair 5″ blunt scissors Fiskars
3. 1 box 8 count washable thick markers Crayola Classic
4. 1 bottle 8 oz. white School glue Elmer’s
5. 1 box Baby wipes
6. 1 ream Copy paper
7. 12 Glue stick (6 gram) Elmer’s
8. 2 boxes Kleenex Kleenex
9. 2 Large erasers Pink Pearl
10. 24 Pre-sharpened #2 yellow pencils
11. 1 roll Scotch tape Scotch
12. 1 Small school supply box
13. 1 set Watercolor paints (16 color, washable) Crayola

This does not include a few “personal” items like headphones and a sturdy backpack; but you can see how the shopping’s done all at once. And because it’s bought in bulk, the savings are, well, if not passed on to you, the non profit Schoolhouse Supplies organization supplies school supplies for the teachers at no cost.

Highly Recommended!

Of these parental myths, I don’t agree with numbers one (Parents love their children equally) and three (Having two kids is twice as hard as having one kid). I know that I check in on my daughters to make sure they’re not dead. And I know all about the pre-sugar hypers.

The end of the school year is nigh, and your kids will soon be laying on the couch eating potato chips and flipping between Blue’s Clues and Oprah.

What’re you going to occupy their time with?

I think there’s two main categories of activities in which we enroll our kids. On one hand, we have things they go do by themselves and things we teach them. What are your plans?

My kid is gifted. I’m sure all of our kids are gifted, and so we all should take a look at this paper on Gifted People and Existential Depression. Go ahead, it’s not as heavy as it looks.

The author has singled out “gifted” kids- but I’m sure this applies to all kids at one age or another. Existential depression, according to the cited author, happens when a person confronts one of four basic ‘life’ problems; death, freedom, isolation and meaninglessness. The confrontation with freedom relates to a kid’s need for structure in their lives, that people (all people, in general) need some sort of structure in which they can flourish. The others, I think, are pretty clear.

To keep our kids from getting “Existentially Depressed” — we, as parents, should provide structure for our kids, as well as helping them understand that human experience is shared; we’re not alone in this world. The best way to help them understand that experience is shared is through touch; a hug, a comforting hand on the back, a solid hair-tousling, these help bridge the distance between people that ‘humanity as islands’ can foster. Through spirituality or calm acceptance, we can help them acknowledge death and help them achieve a meaning in life from which they might fight this depression.

I’m not convinced that disassociation from the world is more prevalent today than it was in my parents’ ( or even my ) time. I think, perhaps, that given some of our common pursuits these days do nothing to bridge the gaps between people, do nothing to help us share our lives.

When your kid is younger than six, there’s a common painful injury that can be caused by swinging them around by their arms. Even so much as picking up a kid by the hand or wrist when you’re in a hurry can cause the movement of the radius (in the forearm) away from its position in the ligaments. Treatment for it is pretty simple, but also painful; you should leave that to someone who knows what they’re doing. Check out the page at WebMD

I’m one of those people who likes a wide range of music; everything from bluegrass country to the Eagles, to Quiet Riot and Bach to the Beatles. So Mommy Says No! is a great album for me. It’s put out by the Asylum Street Spankers. They have a wide spread of talents; the songs put out here span from acoustic pop to jazz.

My two favorite tracks on this were “Mommy Says No,” which happens to be a punky rebellion kid anthem of “All I want to do is ( insert fun thing here )” and Sliver- which is a bluegrass cover of the Nirvana tune. And it’s awesome. Mommy Says No will stick in your mind, whether you’re three, ten or thirty- and listening to your wife explain why you can’t take the kids to the park. Sliver puts a whole new spin on Nirvana.

The album is fun, well rounded and good to listen to in the car. Recommended!