Portland Parents

Well, here’s a fine how-do-you-do. Check out the Toys R Us catalog offering here… You can purchase a special pink microscope or telescope for your frill loving daughter. What’s that you say? A pink microscope’s not too bad?

Notice that each pink item is lower powered than the more sedate black and grey version. So yeah, your daughter (or frill loving son) might be thrilled with the pink one but they won’t quite make out the moons of Jupiter with them now will they?

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With children, the holidays are magical. They remind us adults of what it means to believe in something extraordinary, and they help us to find the beauty in simple tasks. Decorating the tree, lighting a candle, and baking cookies become sacred events, because the presence and wonder of a child transforms an otherwise mundane activity into ritual.

However, even around the holidays, a child’s level of presence and wonder can be hindered if he or she is struggling emotionally or behaviorally. Sometimes this occurs after a divorce, a birth or death, or a move. Other times, children struggle with an event the parents are sure the child can’t remember, such as an adoption, or birth trauma. In some cases, parents have no idea why the child has been acting out/ acting in, having trouble at school, or fighting with siblings.

Between wanting the best for your children and wanting to enjoy a care-free holiday season, it’s difficult knowing what to do or say when your child begins exhibiting bad behavior or has emotional melt-downs. If you have hit your limit as a parent or if your whole family has been affected by your child’s lack of presence, it may be time to seek out professional help, someone who is able to help restore balance and peace to the family system in time for the New Year.

Nicole Haxby, M.A. is a children’s psychotherapist located in SW Portland. She specializes in Experiential Play Therapy and works holistically with children struggling from emotional and behavioral issues. For more information on Nicole and her practice please visit her website at www.childrensplaytherapy.com . Nicole can be reached at 971-322-5164.

Content supplied by Nicole Haxby.

Our Second Chance hasn’t garnered any other entries. Please, please place some guesses on these photos. Here’s our last Pixie Dust photo for the family four-pack of tickets to the Disney On Ice presents Worlds of Fantasy show of your choice!
Here’s the third and final picture. Email Me with your guess!

I’ll take guesses on these two pictures (the second and this one) until NOON ON Wednesday! Include in your guess which one you’re looking at as well as your preferred showing from this list:

• Thursday, October 22 – 7:30 PM
• Friday, October 23 – 7:30 PM
• Saturday, October 24 – 12:00 PM, 3:30 PM. 7:00 PM
• Sunday, October 25 – 1:00 PM, 4:30 PM

Any readers who guess the correct answer of the location of the Pixie Dust will be entered to win a family four pack of tickets to the Disney On Ice presents Worlds of Fantasy show of their choice. All shows are at the Rose Garden! Tickets for Disney On Ice presents Worlds of Fantasy are available at http://disney.go.com/disneyonice or by calling the Rose Garden box office at (877) 789-ROSE.

Regardless of the size of your assets, if you have a child at home who depends on you, you really should consider having an attorney help you prepare a Will and Trust for your minor children.

This plan begins with naming legal guardians to raise your children if anything happens to you both you and your spouse, temporary guardians if your permanent guardian are unavailable, and conservators to help with the day-to-day finances. But, that’s just the beginning. Your Will can also provide detailed instructions about things like health care, education, discipline and your values, so your children are raised the way you want. And if your children are under the age of 18 you should also consider adding a trust for them, since minors cannot hold property.

A Will is a document that can be updated as you and your family grows. Decisions made now will probably change over the years. And that’s great! Making those changes, in general, is very easy. What is not easy is addressing the death of a parent who chose not to leave their wishes in written form and now the court has to do so for you, with no guidance, with no idea if the court’s decisions are contrary to yours and at a great expense to your family and estate.

As always, if you have any questions, please feel free to contact Michelle-Shari Kruss directly anytime.

Michelle-Shari Kruss, Attorney at Law

Carl* wrote in:

Where can i get info on parenting, specifically how to parent a 14 year old girl? My daughter just came to live with me and I’m in my 50s and have no idea what to do with and how to parent a 14 year old.

Carl — that’s a frightening question. And, coincidentally, it comes slightly over a week from another writer’s email. Let me introduce you to Rebecca Magby, a Parenting Coach. I had no idea there were professional “parenting coaches” but after the level of terror your email inspired, I’m glad they’re there. Rebecca may not be a perfect match for you, however, she calls attention to a niche service of which you might not be aware.

Rebecca wrote:

I’m so happy to have to opportunity to discuss Parent Coaching with you. Let me start by introducing myself, my name is Rebecca Magby, I am a Certified Professional Nanny and a Parent Coach, (ACPI Certified Parent Coach- certification will be completed in September). I’ve worked with children since 1993 and have studied psychology and child development extensively. I specialize in toddlers, behavior modification and medication free treatment for ADHD.

I feel strongly about helping parents create family harmony. While researching ways I could provide parents with personalized help regarding their parenting concerns, I learned about Parent Coaching, and realized that the Portland area needs the services a Parent Coach provides.

Parent Coaching is a confidential and personalized service that helps parents create solutions to their parenting problems all the while staying within the family’s values. During a coaching session parents will discuss their concern, I’ll provide education about their issues the together we will create workable solutions to their concerns. About a week later we’ll check in for another session and adjust where necessary.

Many of today’s parents are working professionals who are very busy and do not have the time to read numerous parenting books hoping the theories and suggestions provide are correct for their particular problem or fit within their family’s values, this is where parent coaching helps. Not only can the parents be assured the suggestions provided work, because I’ve used them for more than 15 years, but I also understand parents are busy, so I try my best to accommodate their lifestyle. Parent Coaching sessions take place over the phone at a convenient time for the parents, which means parents do not need to worry about taking time off work, finding a baby sitter or battling traffic to make an appointment.

At this time I’m hoping to talk to as many Portland area parent groups I can about Parent Coaching and Parent Coaching services can help.

Additionally, I have created 2 seminars which I plan on offering periodically, one is Behavior Modification without Punishment and the other is Beyond Stranger Danger. I will post times and locations on my website as soon as I have a seminar scheduled.

Yes, I remember your daughter is not 4 but instead is 14. If you hit up google, you’ll find a few other coaches. I’ve also worked hard at reading various parenting books, watching some of the parents at my daughter’s school. I also read websites at parenting.com and the Parents magazine. However, hopefully, some of our readers might have some suggestions on how to keep up. Fourteen is going to be an exciting time.

Good luck.
* (not his real name)

Jeff Wright is the tournament director at the Oregon Golf Club.

They’ve been hosting fundraising golf tournaments for many years and are reaching out during this economic crisis, offering to help raise assistance. He’d like to talk to you about what they can do for you.

You can reach him at membership(at)oregongc.com.

The Power of ‘With’

Presented by Ginni Sackett, Director of Primary Training

Too often, parenting is thought of as something we do ‘to’ or ‘for’ our children. This series brought to you by the Montessori Institute Northwest explores how we can fulfill our expectations as parents while living ‘with’ our children in a mutually beneficial and mutually responsible relationship.

Wednesday, February 25, 2009 6:30-8:30pm
De-constructing the Relationship

We all bring expectations, goals, assumptions and fears to our parenting. The first step to living ‘with’ our children is sorting out which of these attitudes support and which thwart our very real responsibilities as parents.

Wednesday, March 4, 2009 6:30-8:30pm
Re-constructing the Relationship

Once we identify attitudes that support successful parenting, we will explore how you can create and nurture habits of living ‘with’ our children that bring harmony to both sides of the relationship.

Wednesday, March 11, 2009 6:30-8:30pm
Parenting ‘with’: The Long View

Whatever age the child, our ultimate goal is to assist our child in becoming a happy, fulfilled, independent and self-disciplined adult. Explore how you can fashion a relationship that balances the parenting our child needs today with the long-term goals of human development.

Are you ready for the new year?

Instead of making a resolution (or five), how about selecting a single word that you’ll be trying to emulate. Some good suggestions are “Focus,” “Relax,” and, my favorite, “Chocolate.”

Ninety percent of resolutions do not last to the end of January. One thing that helps you stick with them is to write them down. For some reason, writing down a goal and looking at it ferquently helps solidify it in your plans. If your “resolution” is a single word, it’s easier and faster to write, and it has various nuances of meaning that apply to different situations.

Give it a try!

Happy Boxing Day!

Interested in a social network for all of Portland, not just the parents? Check out Bright Neighbor. It’s designed to bring people with similar interests together, whether it’s for learning or for commuting. Add in a layer of trust, and it’s a great replacement for MySpace or LinkedIn.

More information at the site or at this Oregonian article.

Have you already gotten your Christmas Tree (if you don’t do Christmas trees, feel free to ignore this question). Allow me to recommend “Genetech” christmas trees at 1600 NW Skyline Blvd. There’s a huge variety of beautiful trees, from tiny little two foot shrubs all the way up to some sky-scratching behemoths that even Clark Griswald would pale at.

And they’re all $20.

Hours are weekends, 9AM to 4PM, so go soon. You’re running out of weekends.